Words and phrases I won't allow my child to use

Saturday, November 03, 2018

It might not come as much of a shock to some, but there are words I won't allow Rhun to use and he will be put in time out if I do catch him using them. Simple point being, some of the words I feel encourage him to not be a nice person, some of the words he may have picked up from other children, some he may have picked up from TV shows or the likes, (It's crazy where they pick up half of the words!).

We have had some funny looks and comments from other parents when I won't allow my son to use certain words or phrases when other children happily use them all day long. It wasn't actually that long ago I was frowned upon because I warned Rhun about not using a certain word and he felt he could because his friend from school was using it, obviously me being me said 'I don't care who is saying that, you do not, momma doesn't like that word and you know not to use it.' 

I try and avoid Rhun using any kind of word that could cause upset/insult/offence and only encourage compliments or the likes. There are some other words I don't allow him to use and he gets warned if he tries using them. 

Some of them include; Poo/Wee head (I know it's common for toddlers to use this term on a daily basis and find it hilarious) but since day one Rhun has had quite the trouble using the toilet due to his allergies and intolerances (dairy gives him severe stomach ache) so I only allow him to use 'Poo and Wee' when he ACTUALLY needs to go to the toilet. It's worked wonders for us but sometimes when in excitable situations with other children they do throw that term around quite a lot still (Poo head etc).

Another word I cannot stand is 'What'. I much prefer the term 'Pardon' it's much more polite and I feel at this age (Rhun is 3 1/2) it's a good habit to break out of before starting school.

There are other words I won't allow him to use but I think the parents of the blogging community have covered most bases in that department. I guess depending on where you live some families find the following words completely acceptable and take no offence to the words, I was actually brought up in an area where nothing was offensive and people said those kinds of words and comments without hesitation and thought for others.

Since I've become a parent I've realised how wrong the world is, how messed up our time is now in this present day. Children as young as 2 swearing and being disrespectful in what they say, offending others with racial comments without fully understanding the impact that has on others. I want my children to respect everyone they meet in life, I try and encourage compliments and welcome their ways of making others happy when they may feel otherwise. I don't want to have to constantly worry about what comes out of my children's mouths with fear my child has insulted someone/ someone's family member as I feel that would look terrible on me as the parent, the guider in life.

Times are changing. When I was at school we would respect all elders regardless of who they were or if we had met them before. It seems now we have to drill it into our children that respect is important, we treat it like a chore when it should be the norm. 

Here's what our other blogging parents have contributed on the subject;

I won't allow my boys to say 'can't do it' in a sentence. I'm trying to get them to think more positively about their actions and always have the belief that they can do anything if they put their minds to it.

- Leyla from motherhooddiaries.com

My boys aren't allowed to say can't on its own.. they can say I can't do it 'yet' or I can't do it 'without help' but not allowed to say can't on it's own. I want them to have a growth mindset and know just because they can't do it yet or without help doesn't mean they won't achieve it one day. 

We don't use 'stupid' I don't like it and it can be so unkind.

- Karen from blog.monkey-feet.com

We've been trying to get away from 'what?' and instead use 'pardon?' if he's not heard somebody or as an answer. We've been trying to understand that what should be used with other words to ask a question...like what is it?

We don’t let our boys (they’re 4 and 8 ) get away with saying things like “that’s a boy toy”/ “that’s a girl toy”, or “that’s a boy colour”/ “that’s a girl colour”. In our house, all toys, colours etc are for everyone. To be fair, my older boy’s favourite colour is pink so he doesn’t need much reminding.

- Jenni from thebearandthefox.com

Anything about failing and failure especially when they haven't tried. Our son had a habit of saying he would fail at things before he even tried them but we said the only way to fail is not to try at all at least if you try you give it a good go. I don't like the word failure because it seems a very negative word, I would rather them just say we tried and it didn't work out and then at least they tried.

- Gemma from yorkshiremumof4.com

I don't let my kids say 'hate'. It's such an awful word and there are so many other things you could say. I tell them to say they are 'not keen' or 'don't like' but not 'hate' it sounds so harsh.

- Nikki from yorkshirewonders.co.uk

Anything I wouldn’t say to him I don’t expect to have said to me. Disrespectful terms such as ‘shut up’ I can’t tolerate unkindness in my house.

- Gail from yammymommy.co.uk

“Oh my god.” We’re not religious but I think it’s disrespectful to others who are. Plus, they go to a Church of England school.

"whatever " because it annoys the crap out of me and the words "stupid" .

As kids we were called stupid by teachers, adults etc and it hurt. I can still remember thinking I was stupid so I don't allow myself or them to refer to anyone as stupid. the words "handicapped" or "retard" for very obvious reasons. We let them say what would naturally come out of their mouths but if it's unkind or hateful or disrespectful we explain why. They tend to get offended hearing the words retard or handicap now due to having a brother and uncle with unique needs.

- Geraldine from geraldinerenton.com

Mine aren’t allowed to say “oh my God” I change it to “oh my goodness” instead. I think it sounds horrible coming from a child, especially one who is too young to have opinions about religion and how they feel or what they believe in. 

- Sarah from arthurwears.com

'Retard'....it's just not necessary and I won't allow it from anyone in my house visiting or living here.

- Jen from justaveragejen.com

'Loser' - its just such a horrid thing to call someone a massive put down and not at all funny.

- Becky from simpleparenting.co.uk

We don’t allow our kids to say ‘fart’. I think it sounds too harsh and plus growing up we weren’t allowed to say it. We shall it ‘trump’ instead. Makes for great jokes about Donald!

- Fariba from mixedracefamily.com

I thought I would include this last one as I think we can all relate, we all know how children say things to get a reaction. Great point there Jade! 

Apart from swearing, I allow my kids to say what they want. If it's nasty or hurtful they are told that it's not nice and I explain why. I believe it's actually really helped us in the way my son talks to people and he is quick to pick up when others are being nasty. When I was growing up I was told not to say certain things and I said them more to get a reaction.- Jade from jadeslongjourney.co.uk
I just want to give a huge shout out to all those who have contributed with their comments on this blog post. It's a real eye-opener and hopefully, you can take something from this blog and maybe see things in a different light. Maybe your children say a word that could cause upset or insult to someone and it just hadn't occurred to you? 

Let's make the world a more positive place, one step at a time. x

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